Friday, August 26, 2005

Long time no writing....yes I know!!! But anyway, I'm feeling so strange. There's a huge energy running thru my veins...something I can't explain. My body aches and I can't stay still. That's aslo why I won't write anymore...have to go! XXOO

Por *Ur*. Às 11:15 a.m.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not
serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about
shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around
you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God
that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is
in everyone."

-Nelson Mandela

Por *Ur*. Às 11:23 p.m.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

"...infelizmente são coisas da idade,mas eles já
tiveram os seus momentos e só conseguiram viver
conforme o seu conformismo, infelizmente tem quem se
conforme com isso."
Dad about Vó, Vô e Léia.

And I couldn't agree more with him...I think I would
like to write about their lives one day. Perhaps I
would learn and understand better...

a strong, difficult, perhaps bittersweet but very true,
essential and deep kind of love.

Por *Ur*. Às 07:45 p.m.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

It's 4am and I'm not sure why I'm writing...
I woke up at 2:50 finished "'Tis" and while listenning
to Belle & Sebastian I felt an urge to write and do
some wondering about what am I really doing with my
But I'll leave for tomorrow...
I ended up talking to Brian and that killed the mood in
a good way...He's really sweet.


Por *Ur*. Às 04:36 a.m.

Friday, May 7, 2004

I couldn't keep myself from writing...
Although I don#t have time to do it I wouldn't be able
to sleep without letting everyone know how happy I am
that my life will change completely in the next few
I can only thank God for blessing me once again!!!
loads of love and happiness!!!

Por *Ur*. Às 11:27 p.m.

Thursday, May 6, 2004

It's funny when I think how lost and helpless I was
feeling last week. It felt like the world was turning
its back on me but now all the doors seem to be opening
again and I don't feel like going back home so soon
anymore. Sad and great things are happening at the same
time. Ana will unfortunately have to go back home. She
wasn't able to get another visa because of a lack of a
bloody high school diploma. They never think of the
chance of her not having a chance to get one!!!
I understand them for sure. It's just that it would be
an amazing chance for her. Someone who had such a hard
life, who fought her whole way to Europe and even here
it was not easy at all should deserve a better future.
She thought that now for the first time on her life she
would start this dreamy future and live a more decent
life. But they slam the door on her face. It's so sad.
When Frank McCourt went to NYU without a high-school
diploma why should Ana need one in order to stay one
more year in Germany just to learn the bloody
language??? It's not like she's applying for LMU or
This is the bad thing that is happening. The good one
is happening to me. With Ana leaving I was invited to
stay on her place and it couldn't have happened on a
better time. I can't stand to stay here anymore and
Kalenga seems to be a great person. I really hope
everything will work out. And I'm sure it will!!!
To live downtown and move out of the suburbs is my
dream coming true when I'm only 23, broke and with no
car. Perhaps in 10 years I'll be dying to move back
here but now I'm dying to get out of here.
Talking about it. Some people can be really selfish and
envious. Claudia called F. by mistake and she offered
herself for the job even though she knew I really need
it right now. I just couldn't believe it. But it's not
worth thinking about it and just open the way for her
bad feeling to mess with my future happy life!!!
I believe that envy is a powerful feeling. I'm really
afraid of it both ways. Afraid of feeling it as well as
of people feeling it towards me. It can really get in
the way for both sides.
I believe there's a difference between envy and the
feeling of wanting to have something just as someone
else might have. Envy to me is the feeling of wanting
someone not to have something because you wish you had
it as well.
But anyway, enough of it all for today. Tomorrow I have
the big meeting and please just wish me luck!!!
Loads of love specially to you Ana...

Por *Ur*. Às 09:05 p.m.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Those brilliant ideas I had yesterday seem to have
vanished from my mind...unfortunately, cause I remember
they were pretty optmistic. Much better than those I
have right now.
I admit I judge myself for the amount of money I have
and that makes me feel like shit right now. If I have
money on my pocket everything is great and nothing
makes me feel bad. If not, like right now, doesn't
matter if the sky is bright and the sun is shinning, to
me it's just like a cloudy, cold, rainy day. At this
moment as usual in my life, I feel pretty bad. The main
reason for it is the lack of money to even pay my
bills. I owe more than I'll make this month and it
sucks big time!!! My handy bill was €112, when as
an au-pair I only make €205 a month what should I do
with the fitness studio, the traveling I still have to
pay among other stuff???
I have no idea what to do since I can't get any other
job without my fucking german citizenship which I'll
probably only have in 3 or more months...
If that wasn't enough I'm completely fucked up and
depressed. Sometimes I feel like going back home
since I know I won't enjoy things here how I wanted
to, but then again, what the heck I'm gonna do there if
I go back??? Continue with the shit life I had???
No, thank you very much!!!
I need to have a serious talk to the Man up above...
I really want to know what the hell am I doing
here??? There ain't a day of my existence that I
don't wish all this would end up soon. Although I know
I have the biggest fear of the "AFTER".
the phone is ringing...I'll be back...

Por *Ur*. Às 04:33 p.m.

Monday, April 19, 2004

I promissed myself I would write something today and I
had pretty good thoughts to share but I ended up
playing freecell (I know it was fool of me to do so...)
and and talking to Brian instead.
I try again tomorrow...

music of the day: The whole "if you're feeling sinister..." album (Belle & Sebastian)

loads of love...

Por *Ur*. Às 11:25 p.m.

Wednesday, April 7, 2004

Feeling much better I decided to come and write...
...I'm still mad with some stuff but I'll talk about
good things at first.

I'm so "in love" with the way Maxi is right now. He
really loves me and is completely different from the
time I came here. Yesterday he begged me to stay by him
until he was asleep and came to my room in the middle
of the night asking me to go to his room. while there
he tried the best he could to make me sleep with him
and it was actually hard to get out of there. Was
pretty hard as well to stand up and stay for a while
with him at 2 in the morning but I did it anyway
because i knew all he wanted was love. Tonight he came
to my room again and asked me to go to his bed and
cuddle a little. It was so sweet. I hope it will last.
Since we talked and I told him that I won't leave him
after my contract is over. He changed even the way he
used to speak to me. I feel so good about it but at the
same time I feel terrible because I know I don't want
to stay here for too long. I want a new job and
hopefully get my business going. I know I'll hurt him
and Sebastian but there's no other way. Their parents
are too cheap and cold. I can't stand that. Sometimes I
feel like telling them :. "As weird as it might seem
did you know that I actually have feelings???...". But
I really feel sorry for the boys, Sebastian loves me
too and I know it. although I don't intend to lose
contact with them I know it won't be easy. But I have
to be professional and think a little about myself as

Talking about thinking about myself, I feel terrible. I
didn't go to the Fitness Studio for 2 days and eat like
a pig. Tomorrow I'll have to go no matter what!!!

now I'll go to bed because the day will be hectic

nite nite, loads of love and XOXO

Por *Ur*. Às 08:59 p.m.

Tuesday, April 6, 2004

I've been willing to write for quite a while but at the
same time I've been bored as hell (not that I believe
that hell is a boring place but...)which stopped me
from doing so...
...lately many things happened but I feel so down. The
only thing I know is that once again I need changes. I
hate the way people are here. And I can't wait to have
my place and my business working. I've been here for
almost 5 months now and although I really like Germany
and want to stay to make a living here I hate the
situation I'm living right now. I feel like just a new
machine they've been renting for a while. Feeling is
definitely something they don't know I have, or better,
something they don't care if I have or not. I feel like
shit when I'm here but at the same time I have this
terrible tendency to be polite and helpful so I tend to
stay with more than I really want to. I just accepted a
fucking invitation to go to Tuscany with them on June
which I regret deeply 'cos for sure it will mean
working in a different place and non stop! I'm still
thinking how I can get myself free from this trap.
The house thing is hell but I have some heaven in my
life as well...
...last Sunday we went to Zürick and it was amazing I
felt like staying there forever. It's such a beautiful
city, so romantic. All I missed was a good company
(having a boyfriend would have helped)not that the
company was bad, I had fun with them but they could be
a bit less shallow. Talking about sex 28 hours a day
isn't what I want to do while going to such a nice
place. Not that talk about sex is something bad, people
I like it!!! but talking about how many women P. fucked
last weekend isn't really something that I bother to
even waste my saliva with.
I don't know what's wrong with these people but it
wouldn't kill to be a littler less shallow every now
and then, or would it???
Enough of complaining about them...we had a nice time
and that's what really matters.
I'm feeling like an old lady who can do nothing else
but complaining. I better stop and continue when I feel
a bit better.

Just one more thing, Anne thanks again for the layout
and I miss you and everybody there...
loads of love and xoxo

Por *Ur*. Às 09:49 a.m.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Wow...long time no writing...I know how lazy I've been
lately, no one has to throw that on my face. To tell
the truth I even forgot the password to add an entry
But now I'm back (specially to you Manu) and I promise
to write more often.
Live has changed in so many ways that one could only
imagine. New country, new friends, new business, new
ideas, new behaviour, to resume it all, NEW LIFE!
Today is not really the best day to write because I'm
not really in a cheerful mood. But I have to say
that "Deutschland" is teaching me quite a lot...
The only thing I'm sure about is that I don't intend
to go back home any time soon. That might sound a
little bit selfish but I sort of over came this
thought. My idea of selfishness right now is going
back just to make the others happy. Hard to understand
and even harder to explain, I can only hope you'll get
the idea...

One thing I realised here. Now I see my personality,
as usual I ended up being the mother, the friend, the
one who always gives advice and forgetting about my
own stuff, but now at least I realise it and so I'm
able to change. It's not that it ain't cool to be so
but I also have to live my own life and reach my goal.
Well...I won't keep writing because as I've already
said, today is not the nicest day to write and I might
sound a bit depressing and show a bad side of this new
part of "Ursula's book". I promise to write again soon
and show all the great things about it and how happy I
am here!!!

Kisses and hugs
loads of love

Por *Ur*. Às 03:48 p.m.

Friday, October 31, 2003

"I've been wondering about how good we should be to

Some people just don't deserve our kindness.

The world has plenty of good people, I know, but some
only pretend they are good while they need you. I guess
most people know about who I'm talking about. Those who
don't just think about the message and do not worry
about the person I'm talking about.
I'm really tired of helping those who don't deserve it.
This week was the worse. They don't even know how to
say "Thanks" and only care about themselves. I'm really
sick of it and my biggest wish right now is to put them
in their places if you know what I mean?!?!
they are way too comfortable to be standing on enemy
It's not like I want them to worship me but at least to
be polite and realize that it's still my place. I'm
really sick of it and mostly because I, unfortunately,
can't forget the past.
This particular person has been a "bitch" to me for as
long as I remember and even now after I gave her what
she wanted she won't stop. Now she plays the nice girl
but is using me in a way that is making me sick. I only
stand it because of higher reasons.
I know that she pretends to be nice and sweet but only
because she needs me right now, otherwise she would be
just the same old bitch like always.
This is the last person I thought I would help one day
and here I am doing just it.

to be continued...

Por *Ur*. Às 02:28 p.m.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

"Innocent Touches"

The touch of innocence is hidden, yet true.
It holds magic within light that many a time, wished knew.

Within ones self we do posses, something true and soft
That only up above knows where it is to be sought.

It's quiet and divine and holds tales of those of older times.
In search we may find, the answer is before us in front of our eyes!

Look to the sky! This, it will lead you there!
Be not afraid for thy heart will lead you everywhere!

Virginia Plath

Por *Ur*. Às 05:24 p.m.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Life's been changing in so many ways that's hard to
believe it...
...I finally decided to go and start everything from
zero again. I'm tired of trying and hopefully this time
I'll finally find what I've been looking for till now.
I have to say that I'm afraid what will happen if my
plans don't work out as I want them to. Right now I
can't see what will be of me if I don't leave.
Unfortunately everyone knows that I'm going and it
scares me the fact that it might not happen. I feel
like I'll live in shame, even though I know that
other's opinion shouldn't bother me I can't help
feeling insecure about it. I'm also a bit afraid of
what will happen over there, I know it won't be easy
either but it can't be any worse than here.
I feel like I'll finally find my way and that this
emptiness will be filled with new feelings that I've
been longing so much to have.
I gave up on everything just in order to do this and if
it fails I don't know what else to do.I'm putting all
my faith and hopes on God's hand and praying that He'll
help me out.
There are so many things to do there and so many people
I want to meet again, it's like my life will have a
real meaning. Yesterday I talked about it with Mom and
for the first time she stopped to listen to me, it was
great, I finally saw that she sort of understands me,
I'm very pleased about it.

I'll continue later, gotta go...
lots of insecure love...

Por *Ur*. Às 04:57 p.m.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

...This morning made me realize that I'm doing the
right thing and that the person that really cares about
me is myself.

"Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now "

A simple lyric (with great respect to Noel Gallagher)
never adapted so well to my reality. It really was the
day they threw it back to me, I finally could see what
I was pretending not to see for so long.
They have their life and I'm like this never matching
piece of the puzzle. I feel like the spare piece that
can't wait to find her own puzzle. I'll always love
them but I'll look for my way in this amazing game
known as life, even if for that I'll have to go miles
away from here.
Everything is so peaceful and right without me presence
around blocking their way that I won't be that much
I know they love me a lot and I'm thankful for that and
love them too but I know I don't belong here, at least
not yet.

All the troubles I bring to them and the way I'm so
needy isn't definately something healthy for anyone.

This week I'll start "packing" and stop delaying my
If I don't find what I'm looking for in there. I'll
come back and just keep living until my last day but
once again life will be something disappointing.
But I have faith and that's what always keeps me going
and I know that finally God will show me the way.

loads of a weird sort of love...

Por *Ur*. Às 12:33 pm.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

I looked at the dictionary for the word "envy" a while
ago and that was the result:

"the resentful or unhappy feeling of wanting somebody
else’s success, good fortune, qualities, or

This is definately not the way I feel about Betina, but
I'm unfortunately hating her in a way. She's dying
inside me. I'm tired of her being the center of
everyone's attention.
I never want to have what she has because I'm happier
with my life the way it is than with hers but I'm sick
of the way she acts towards me.
The only thing I'd like to know is who does she think
she is????
To me she is becoming, unfortunately, a really small
piece of my life because it doesn't matter how hard I
try she is always a bitch to me and I'm sick of it. I'm
pretty sad because I really wanted things to be
different but it's like she doesn't want the same
thing. I don't envy her at all and for a second I
thought it was what I felt but for sure it ain't so.
It's like I try my best to have a decent relationship
with her, after all she's my sister, but she
always "shuts the door" for me. I'm really tired of her
behaviour and I'm giving her up...
...It's really hard for me to say and do so but I don't
see any other way, I really love her but she's so rude
and keeps putting me down all the time that I just
can't take it anymore. Of course I would love to have a
little of the love that some people have for her.
I just realized I might envy this feeling but in
healthy way. I have a good envy* for this sort of
feeling but not for the way she is. I could definately
use some of this real love that she's so fortunate to
have but I'm sure my time will come. She's a lucky
person to have people feeling this way about her but I
would never want to have anything else that she has.
And I'm actually writting to tell that I'm tired of
trying and from now on I'm giving up. If one day, and
God I really hope this day will come, she wakes up to
the fact that she lost her sister that used to love her
so much and look back to all that she's done I'll have
my arms and heart wide opened just for her...

* "Good envy" = The feeling we have when we want
something (material, emotional and etc...) that someone
else has but without the bad feeling of wanting the
person not to have it. Also known as white envy.

Por *Ur*. Às 11:50 am

Thursday, May 1, 2003

Lately I've been wondering how would be life without
Not really different, huh???
but don't worry if you agree with this last
sentence...I'm not disappointed at all...right now I
feel the same way.
Lately I've also been wondering about changes...but I
guess I'm not brave enough for such a big change like
that(at least not yet).
Sometimes faith is the worse thing you can
can stop you from such changes.
Fuck, I'm sorry I'm worrying some people here (at least
I rather pretend I really believe I am) but don't worry
you'll still have me around for quite a while...
I´m not in the mood to say anything else...and just to
make sure, I'm not trying to play the victim here so no
need for consolation...

Well, as you see not much love for you guys tonight...

Por *Ur*. Às 10:39 p.m.

Monday, April 21, 2003

Just a lil note...
...I know what's wrong. I realized I'm jadded. I don't
give a damn about what happens around me, to me, and
the good things about me...and that sucks...

Por *Ur*. Às 05:57 p.m.

Monday, April 21, 2003

I guess I just wanted you all to know how miserable I'm
feeling...not that this will help but at least you'll
understand why I didn't write lately...I've been
working hard and having a few "inner fights" (if that
exists)...I'm not really sure I wanna talk about
it... but I feel like I need to give some
explanations to you loyal readers...I'm sorry to make
you all have to remind me to write but I'll try to post
more often...and since I know that some of you will be
asking me tomorrow what's wrong??? well, it's nothing
that I can talk about right now, but thanks, thanks for
been there for me (I don't have to tell names 'cos you
know who u r) and thanks for not giving up on my blog...

that's quite depressing I know but forgive me, it's
unfortunately my reality right now and after a not very
good (only for me of course (I hate to admit that I'm
realizing that I'm capable of feeling envy)) phone call
and been listening to Nora Jones quite loud I couldn't
feel any better than that...I didn't cry yet but I need
to have a serious talk with "Meu Deus" real soon...

Por *Ur*. Às 03:59 p.m.

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Thanks...Obrigada!!! (part 1)

It's sunday night, almost monday, I was already in bed
when this feeling took me over...for some reason I felt
an urge to say thanks...thanks to those in my life in
whatever way they might be...for some reason this urge
even made me cry, that's when I realized it was somehow I'll start with the 2 most important
people in my life:

mammy & pappy: I should thank you one at a time so I'll
start with mom, I just want to thank you for trying so
hard, I just want to thank you for being this
incredible person, muito obrigada for all you've done
and bore for us, believe me you've made us better
persons, I love you so much, more than I can tell. And
dad I want to thank you for being such a grand person,
for always trying to correct your mistakes, for our
talks and for all the freedom you gave us, I want to
thank you for working so hard and taking such good care
of us, I love you...I love you for being the child you
are and for teaching me so much...thanks to both of you
for the unconditional love, for the trust, for the
friendship, for all you taught us, for all you've done
and went through for us...Thanks so much for being who
you are!!!

Priscila: thanks for being so protective all my life,
thanks for loving me, thanks for been there when I
need, thanks for being my sister, thanks for being who
you are and I'm so sorry for sometimes judging you...I
love you the way you are and when I do that it's just
because I want the best for you. Thank you for being
more than you show us and for being yourself all the
time...I love you!!!

Betina: thank you for being my friend for all those
years until our teenage, thanks for always wanting the
best for me, thanks for being my sister, for teaching
me a lot, for being so sensitive and lovely.
Unfortunately things are no longer the way they were
while we were growing up but I want you to know that I
love you and miss you in my life. I also want to thank
Erick for been by your side and for taking care of you
or better for let you take care of him. Thank you so
much and know that I love you!

Vô Mario, Vó Leza e Vó Nanalia: I love you so much. I
want to thank you for helping taking care of us and for
all the love you have for me...thanks for being so
lovely all the time, Vô thanks for all the good
memories I have with you from my childhood, for all the
rides with our bikes and for all the times you said you
loved me, I love you so much and thanks for teaching me
and making me lose the fear of saying "I love you".
Léia, thanks for being who you are, for taking care of
us and even for being hard to us, believe me we learned
a lot with you, and thanks for having become such a
funny person, I love you. Vó Naná, all I can say is
that I love you so much, thanks for being so beautiful
and sweet, I admire you so much, so much wisdom and
willpower in one person, thanks for loving us all and
sharing your life with us, thanks for telling me your
stories and for taking care of us all...I'm sorry I
don't see you as much as I should, I hate myself for
that, but know that I love you all!!!

Oma Astrid: thanks so much for what i know and who I were and still are my best teacher...I miss
you so much...but thanks, thanks for trusting me, for
reaching me, for loving me, for all we went through
together and I'm so sorry I couldn't do more...
I could thank you so much more but I believe that now you
reached a "place" where you can somehow know how I feel
without me having to write anything about it, I know
you know how I feel about you, how much I love, miss
and thank you...we all make mistakes but we all have
have feeling inside too, you know what I mean.
Viele Dank!!! Ich Liebe Dich!!!

Anne & Má: Tuti thanks for being my little sister and
for all we've done together, for all our trips to the
movies =) and for being so intelligent, I admire you so
much and want to thank you for being in my life, and I
also want to tell you that I miss you...Má, thanks for
being my aunt and Godmother, for all the courage you
make us have, for loving and taking care of us, thanks
for crying with me when I burned my hand and for been
by my side, I admire you too for all you went through
in your life, you deserve to be so happy.
Xando, thank you for being my Godfather and "the"
uncle, the only one I really had, thanks for loving us
and always treating us like we were your own children,
thanks for being my funniest memory, I wish you were
still here and that your journey with us kids were
longer, but God needed you too're still
alive in our hearts, we love and miss you...

Sê: thanks for your love and for being my "second
mother", thanks for all the kind words and for making
me feel so well about myself...I love you!!!

Mairoca: thanks not only for being my cousin but for
being such a wonderful friend, thanks for been so far
and so close at the same time, thanks for sharing your
secrets and for letting me share my own secrets with
you, thanks for being yourself and so sweet...I love you!!!

so much love... and loads of XXOO
to be continued...

Por *Ur*. Às 11:58 p.m.

Saturday, March 15, 2003

I think I better say nothing about it...I'm pretty
pissed right now...that's the result in dealing with
kids...believe me their behaviour isn't the best!!!
The fact is that the "KID" here isn't really that least has age enough to know how to behave in
a polite way...YES, I'm talking about Pietro here (in
case he reads this: " YES Pietro you're just a
kid!!!")...Damn...but thinking about it, I deal with
kids everyday, it would offend them to call you a
Kid...I think Jackass or Jerk suits you
really dared to think I liked you??? me with a 19 year
old boy??? me??? not really, hon...wake up, I love
myself better than that. I only wanted a "pastime"
never ever anything more than are some news
to you "Yes, you were only being used dear!!!"
Actually I didn't even want to go to your place last
night and I only went coz your sisters were begging me
and my friends were there too...I knew I was going to
regret it from the start...I just knew it!!!
But enough Jerk, you don't deserve such a big space in
my blog...just "GROW UP!!!"

(I guess I want no one else but him to read all this...)

no love and no XXOO...

Por *Ur*. Às 10:16 a.m.

Monday, March 10, 2003

Querido Diário...(I so wanted to start with this...=P)

well, well...I'll no longer say "what did I do?"
because there's no way back and it was nothing
wrong...Right Manu???
well...I went to Ju's Bday party and it was pretty cool
until...not until, the whole thing was pretty
acabei beijando o Pietro e é por isso q eu fiquei
falando "what did I do?"...but since regret is
something I promised myself that I wouldn't feel I
don't regret it...and how can I regret something I did wasn't a mistake, at least I think so...not
that it will be happening again after Ju's
party I went with Manu to Monte Cristo to meet Sá and
Ali and who was there??? O Gringo...
...After it, I took Manu home and went home.
On Thursday we went to the movies and I didn't know
what to watch actually...coz Rachel and Camila were
quite a show to see too...I guess it was the first time
I saw them really together...but that's ok for me.
On Saturday it was Leo's party...more like a "get
together" than a party...we made a fondue and some
guacamole with doritos, not that it's right to eat them
together but after several trips to several different
supermarkets in order to find a good Avocado I just
needed to eat it...but anyway it ain't about the was pretty cool to be there and we had a
great 3am or so the boys (Moacir, Pietro e
Tomate) called and I went to take Manu home so I
stopped by Ju's place...Moacir also came there and
Pietro that was already going to sleep make a
long story short I beijei o Pietro de novo...and talked
to Moacir, he's so cool...but anyway, after that I went
back to Leo's and at 6:30 I went back home...but
anyway...I'm tired of writing now...I'll finish later...
xxoo & lots of love...

Por *Ur*. Às 05:44 p.m.

Wednesday, March 5, 2003

Oh Gosh...
What did I do??? What did I do??? What did I do??? What
did I do??? What did I do??? What did I do??? What did
I do??? What did I do??? What did I do??? What did I
do??? What did I do??? What did I do??? What did I
do??? What did I do??? What did I do??? What did I
do??? What did I do??? What did I do??? ...

Por *Ur*. Às 07:24 a.m.

Tuesday, March 4, 2003

Ah, I just remembered...the name of the brazilian guy,
Steve's friend, was Alexandre.

and do this quiz:

Your Heart is Red

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Por *Ur*. Às 02:39 p.m.

March 4, 2003

Ai ai ai...nem sei por onde começar.
What a week, huh?!?!
Eu eh que life is back on tracks (not that
this is the best place to be right now) and the best
of all is that "Sabba" and Ali are still the same...I
guess I wouldn't be so nice...I'm not sure I deserve
it...Thank you girls!!! When I tell you all that I've
been through in the last few years you'll understand,
just remind me to tell you when I'm sober...(something
that neither of us have been lately).
What a hard time I had to go through to get back
here...but I got a lot out of it...and regret is
something I don't feel, at least not in this case...Did
I suffer??? yes i did. Did I cry??? yes I did quite a
lot "actually" (sua palavra Sá) but I'm not here to be
the victim, I also learned a lot and got the chance to
get to know myself...
But anyway, we had some fun, we really did. Lots of
alcohol in our blood but that's just a detail...
...Saturday night we went out but the city was 2 am we ended up eating at the Mexican going
back to Sá's place (by the way, the apartment is really
cute) waking up quite late and eating lunch (Bo was the
cooker of the day) with her parents. In the afternoon I
went back home to get ready for the night also went to
the supermarket to buy beer and wine...we went back to
Sá´s place, she got ready, we drank the wine, scaped
from Philip, picked Bruna's love at his place (this
just as a lil revenge, I had no idea she was such a
bitch, I used to feel sorry for her but not anymore)
and went to Monte Cristo, I have to admit I was already
dizzy when I get there ... that's why I won't tell much
about it (I don't really remember everything) I met
many nice people and even spoke german...I practiced my
english with a guy from Detroit we met there, he is
here for the carnival with a brazilian friend, but I
can't remember his name, and is going back home on
Wednesday and that's pretty much all I remember about
him...we got out of there at 4am or so and as a
surprise Steve (o americano, he just had to have this
name, I hate it) went out with us so we were 6 crushed
in a acabei beijando ele...this I kinda
regret...but we only should regret what we didn't do,
right??? so, we left him at a gas station near Sá's
place and went back to the apartment...Bruna's boy went
with us and his friend too...we didn't sleep and at 8am
we went to the beach,the weather was perfect but I
couldn't stand the eyes were hurting and I
never loved my sunglasses this much before...we were
there until 2pm or back home went to McDonalds
but I just couldn't stand food, just the smell of it
was making me sick...we shared a Taxi back home coz Sa
was worried about Phi and everything...we got home, I
drove Aline to her place and came back...I wanted and
even tried to write something here but I wasn't feeling
that great...I only talked to Manu and we made plans to
go to Ju's Bday party tonight. let's see what happens...
xxoo and loads of love

Por *Ur*. Às 12:46 p.m.

São Paulo, February 16, 2003

Oi oi...
Chega de nossa quanto tempo, hein?!?! eu sei que faz
tempo...e não vou mais me justificar.
Demorei pq não tinha vontade de falar...e nem nada
"usefull" pra postar.

Well...a vida vai bem obrigado, sem grandes novidades,
além do novo job na PBF...q na verdade eh bem
legal...tô super feliz por isso...
But continuing...I'm actually here to analyze when is
the right time to give up on somebody...what do you
think mates??? It doesn't matter if you're giving up on
your boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, sister,
yourself (well this last one you should never give
up)...but sometimes we just have to face it, some
people are little lost doesn't matter
your efforts to please and help them...they just don't believe me they are not worth it!!!
I'm so damn sick of trying to cope and help people who
just seem to be out of I'm sick of being
so damn nice...but this second part it's within me...I
just can't help it.
But anyway...I'm trying hard to give up on someone that
just don't get all I do...I'm sick of being "used" and
soon after thrown away...but here is my lil msg:
"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!"...and now it's enough for me.

Anyway, I better go now!!! I'll leave the rest of my thoughts out of here. It's better...

see ya...
just a lil luv for today...XXOO

Por *Ur*. Às 09:01 p.m.

São Paulo, February 6, 2003

Nossa, quanto tempo, hein?!?!
Mas finalmente, atendendo a pedidos tô postando...=) hehehe
Não muito mas muito importante... muito lindo mesmo este poem...
ontem quando abri meu mailbox nem li...acabei
imprimindo pra ler depois...soh fui ler antes de dormir
e na verdade o momento não poderia ter sido mais made me think things over and realize
what really matters....e não tem verdade muito maior
que isso...


Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift...
Thrown away.
Life is not a race
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital

nem vou falar mais nada...não vou estragar...
loads of love...xxoo

Por *Ur*. Às 07:45 p.m.

São Paulo, January 27, 2003


Por incrível que pareça meu dia foi more than happy...
Tô muiiiiiiito feliz!!!
Falei com a Agnes depois de anos...foi muito legal!!!
Foi muito bom falar sobre tudo o que aconteceu e
relembrar minha época na Austria....Aiiiii eu quero
voltar para a Europa....=(
(mas agora vou continuar em inglês pq eh muito mais simples...)
It was soooo great...we even planned the backpacking
trip we would do if I hadn't returned to the way,I better watch out and be careful or I'll have
to make the same trip at least 3 times...
She's much better now and that's really great...
Life is so damn incredible...
It's crazy how things was also the day I
got in touch with my old ghosts again.I spoke about
my "blue time" twice...first with Agnes which was nice
of her to remember and care about it and then with
Magnus which was also nice cos I didn't really think
he still remembered about it(he really surprises me
with stuff he remembers sometimes)...but anyway, I
didn't stop to really think about it for such a long's like I always try to hide from it when
the real truth is that all I really have to do is face
it...but it's so damn hard to do it...seems like all
the pain, not physical but emotional pain, will
start all over again and all those ghosts won't
ever stop haunting me...
Damn, I don't wanna talk about it anymore, even though
I know I should but instead I'll leave now and
think about it by myself...Tomorrow I might tell you
more about it,ok?!?!?!
I better go now, it was enough for the day...
Much love XX

Por *Ur*. Às 09:44 p.m.

São Paulo, Sunday, January 26, 2003

OiOi Mates...

Today was a nice day...even though the weather was
terrible and I didn't do a thing that I can call useful
until late in the afternoon when I went to the movies
with the way, I wonder what she wrote on
her blog about it???? maybe that I really can drive???=)...
...but anyway, we saw Femme Fatale which was pretty
good I won't tell the story cos I'm quite tired and you
guys can go and watch's worth has
plenty of sex for all tastes, or at least most
tastes...and Rachel, you'll definitely should see
it, I'm sure you'll love it ;)!!!
Then I came home, did the F#@&... year plan for school
and came here to let you know abt it...
Ah...we met Bruna at the words about it!!!
And I bought the Cosmo...long time no buying it, I
missed it!!! (mas a grana tava curta pra dah 30
pilas numa magazine)

Well, that's all...I'm sleepy e vou pra cama agora.
XXOO loads of love...

Por *Ur*. Às 11:28 p.m.

Saturday, January 25, 2003

this is just for those who wish to know what is all these written around this page...

The World Is a Beautiful Place

The world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't mind happiness
not always being
so very much fun
if you don't mind a touch of hell
now and then
just when everything is fine
because even in heaven
they don't sing
all the time

The world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't mind some people dying
all the time
or maybe only starving
some of the time
which isn't half bad
if it isn't you

Oh the world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't much mind
a few dead minds
in the higher places
or a bomb or two
now and then
in your upturned faces
or such other improprieties
as our Name Brand society
is prey to
with its men of distinction
and its men of extinction
and its priests
and other patrolmen

and its various segregations
and congressional investigations
and other constipations
that our fool flesh
is heir to

Yes the world is the best place of all
for a lot of such things as
making the fun scene
and making the love scene
and making the sad scene
and singing low songs and having inspirations
and walking around
looking at everything
and smelling flowers
and goosing statues
and even thinking
and kissing people and
making babies and wearing pants
and waving hats and
and going swimming in rivers
on picnics
in the middle of the summer
and just generally
'living it up'
but then right in the middle of it
comes the smiling

by Lawrence Ferlinghetti

muito bom este poema, neh?!?!? fav!!!
Que saudade das aulas do Terry...=(

love you all...

Por *Ur*. Às 09:01 p.m.

Saturday, January 25, 2003

Hi mates...
As you see my Blog is finally done...all thanks to Anne, I bothered her for at least 5 hours but you gotta admit was worth it!!! Thank you Dear!!!! I just loved the way it looks...and the cool thing is that this moon was actually an accident...I won't be long talking abt it cos I gotta go...but I want to welcome you guys and hope you enjoy snooping on my life... ok..I'm going now...but I'll come back later... lots of love... xxoo

Por *Ur*. Às 05:14 p.m.

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